About:
27 year old girl. Edging towards real world. Stubborn. Falsely independent. Polish.
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Feels
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Feels
The Struggle Of Emotions
2003-12-05
Each night that I spend with Bigfoot, a question arises. Should we consummate this relationship? This would have been an easy answer but after the traumatizing experience of my first and only time, I have grown distrustful towards any male who cares to get into my pants. Each night we take the steps that could lead us to a home run and each night I whisper a hasty �stop� and proceed to lie in bed, biting my lip trying hard to fight back the tears.I lie there loathing myself that I�m breaking my own promise. I think back on all the feelings and emotions that followed the first experience, and I cannot see myself going through that again. Then I begin to hate him for pushing me. I grew more distrustful and skeptical of his motives. Yet in the end I find my self-hatred growing stronger for allowing this.
It�s as simple as fearing the human touch but needing it at the same time. And the struggle is slowly driving me crazy.