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Understand Me
2003-05-21
I�m tired of playing �Whose life is worse� game with Christina. I don�t know who�s more foolish, her for thinking my problems are miniscule compared to hers, or me for wanting to prove her wrong. I�ve realized last year that she can be very ignorant towards certain things. I never turned to her in my own bad times because the one time I did she told me, �You just can�t handle normal problems. Get over it.� I put on a happy face for her and she figured I was sane as ever. Then came the whole graduation issue. She was in trouble of not finishing high school because of one gym credit. As we were sitting one afternoon, she started crying. Wailing on about how her life is over and her parents will kill her. I tried comforting her, relating to the problems with my own not graduating issue. I told her I understood what she was going through. To this she exclaimed �No you do not. My parents will kill me.� How can I not understand? She was one credit shy of graduation. I was 8 credits behind. She worried about her parents, well mine thought they�d be attending a graduation ceremony. It angered me that she could not look past her own world and see other people with similar problems. I did not expect her to comfort me because I myself was running away from the whole issue of facing the problem. All I wanted for her was to acknowledge that she wasn�t the only one going through problems. In the end, her parents did some string pulling at the school and Christina graduated with her class, while I was left to slave over another year of high school.Tonight she tells me that it�s a big conspiracy against her. Everybody seems to be thinking that she�s a conceited bitch. I partially agree, the way she carries herself does give off that idea but I know that deep, deep, deep down she�s a sweetheart. She proceeded to give me a whole speech on how nobody understands her, that all of this is a show to cover up her insecurities, her nice behavior always backfires so why try. In the end she tells me, �It�s bad when you come to realize you�re friends weren�t really your friends in the first place.� I was about to say that I understood, thinking back on my own loss of circle of friends but I remained silent fearing that she still may believe in my inability to relate to her �problems�.
�You get over it eventually,� I told her instead.
�You know what? Fuck this,� She replied. �FUCK EVERYBODY.�
And she left.