About:
27 year old girl. Edging towards real world. Stubborn. Falsely independent. Polish.
Want more?
Feels
Want more?
Feels
Heartbrake Paused
2005-09-27
I am now carrying on the tradition of two entries per month. Someone has to do it. A whole 3 people answered my request of sign of life, I must say that�s three more than I expected. I�m easy to please here!I hate writing the �catching up� entries. Who am I really catching up here? Life consists now of 99.9% work and .1% sleep. When it�s such an overpowering force in your life, you tend to disregard everything else that had any meaning. I sleep, eat and breathe of my job. When I wake up, I think what the job will bring, when I come home I think what I (probably) forgot to do at work, when I sleep I dream about work. It�s scary to be so involuntarily involved. But it seems this is where my life is heading. I applied and got into the Vet Tech program at one of the colleges and in two years I�ll be a licensed tech.
Besides that, Bigfoot and I broke up. I wouldn�t let him go until I�ve seen it for myself that we could no longer work together. I was ready to move up there with him and but realized that may not be the best choice. It�s very weird to think that he�s no longer mine and I�m no longer his. I haven�t really spoken to anyone about this. As far as I get is to say �We�re over,� before someone manages to change the subject. Lack of discussion leaves me lacking grievance, and I feel sad about not being sad. After being together for almost two years, shouldn�t I shed some tears. It wasn�t until I heard a song that was so close to our hearts that finally a tear came down. I fear that I�m not dealing with this in a proper way. It�s not that I�ve pushed the feelings away, it�s just that I cannot find them. I want to resolve this problem before I have sudden breakdown in public. This isn�t how it�s supposed to go!