One Of Those Days

2003-02-13

Science has never been my strong hold. I mean, I could be clueless in other subjects like History or English but at least I have some sense what is going on, then I'd make up an answer and though it would have been wrong, at least it would show that my brain is working. But no, in science my brain is like a bunch of crickets chirping away while the teacher explains. Nothing clicks, nothing is understood. I've gotten through loads of science classes where I could just sit quietly and try to understand it on my own term. Not this time, in a classroom with 10 people, the teacher has found the need to call upon me and only me. Doesn't he get the point after my 5th wrong answer that I'm not cut out for this? Not only that, doesn't he see how red I turn when he does call me? Or how I begin to shake and lose my voice? He blames me for not paying attention, how else can it be that I cannot grasp a concept? Maybe I would have time to think and analyze the information if he wouldn't pick on me every 5 minutes and give me stress hives!

The worst thing though, was today when I was loosening a bit, the teacher looked at Hasan who then called out "Call on Joanna!"

I cannot begin to tell you what hatred I have towards him now. I'll take my pen and stab him in that bold spot that has been forming in the back of his head.

It a shitty day when you question and despise everything about yourself and all you want to do is crawl under the blanket where you're not criticized.

Sometimes I fear the real world will eat me up.