About:
27 year old girl. Edging towards real world. Stubborn. Falsely independent. Polish.
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No Love, No Glory
2005-10-07
I am in a constant perpetual bad mood every time I step into this house. I currently on no talking basis with my father, a rather monthly occurrence. I do manage to mutter a few words to my mother, and even though my sister, Peter and Gabby are now living with us, them too I chose to ignore. It�s not that I chose to be the bitch of this family, but I came to realize that my experience living alone has taught me how much you can appreciate your very own space.I�m sorry if I miss coming home to silence rather than �why is your room so dirty?� or my personal favorite, �why don�t you do something with yourself rather than just sitting here?�. Yes I am a hypocrite, when living with Bigfoot I whined about missing home cooked meals and the joyous family gatherings in the evenings. Well, screw that. The meals rarely happen here anymore and the gatherings turn into �let�s point out all the ways Joanna is failing to meet our standards of success�.
On top of all of this, I am now welcoming myself into the stage of bitterness following my brake up. Not bitter towards Bigfoot but rather at everything else. Yesterday would have been our 22nd month anniversary. It was a rough day to say the least. I put myself through this crap just by sitting here and listening to all these songs that bring out these emotions that keep themselves hidden until the most inappropriate time. The conversations I have with people have no meanings, no value and at the end of the day I feel the utmost need to call him and just let it all out. But how am I to move on if we keep this contact alive. I have the standard �best friend� though she�s failing to see my misery and gets mad when I chose to stay home and wallow in my self pity rather than go out. I'm not asking for help here but rather a small boost to help me get out of this rut before I start digging a bigger hole.