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27 year old girl. Edging towards real world. Stubborn. Falsely independent. Polish.
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Now That Diaryland Is Back I Can Tell You How Horrible I Am
2005-03-19
It all started out great. With an unprecedented happiness I met up with Natalie on St Patrick�s day to begin our adventure of bar hopping in Park slope. With each new bar, we ordered a single drink and discussed nothing and everything in between. By the 3rd bar, I was spilling my guts on anxieties, fears, problems and Bigfoot. Soon Natalie was looking at me with that eye. It�s look you now you�re getting when you�re avoiding the truth and she�s damn willing to give it to you served up on a platter.�You�re not in love with him.� She states it. �You love him but you�re not in love with him.� Ironically I used to write those lines in the cheesy love stories that spruced up in my head. Except in the stories the line would be delivered and both parties would completely understand and go their separate ways without any grudges or regrets.
�You don�t do the normal things people do when they�re in love.� Natalie continues. �Geez, you cheated on him twice.�
Have I also mentioned I�m very gullible? It doesn�t take long to convince me on an idea because God knows I cannot form opinions on my own. It was a whole lot easier to believe Natalie�s words than to fight with my own mind rebutting her statements. And it is her convictions that I threw at Bigfoot, among harsh regrettable words and some sentence enhancers. I couldn�t tell what his reaction was after I told him I do not want to go back to him, or this relationship. He signed off of course once I added a �fuck you� and �go to hell�. I think I just cemented Natalie�s opinion.
It gets better folks! Still fuming from my own horrible behavior and yet still managing to hate Bigfoot, I log on to our shared bank account to see the state our finances. From the calculations, with all our bills paid off we would have about 10 bucks in the account. Oddly enough it said there was $87 yet when I looked closely at the transactions, there was deposit of any extra money but rather just the usage of a debit card at Exxon Mobil and some buffet for $72. This would mean we are $87 over budget and with no overdraft protection, each day this is no paid off an extra 30 dollars is added to the payment. Instantly I assume its Bigfoot who carelessly uses his card and with this accusation in mind I write an email filled with more hateful words and more sentence enhancers. Man I am just stacking up my points for the girlfriend of the year award.
I doubt I can spruce up some civility and nice words during a contact therefore I shall avoid talking to him till Monday when I plan to return to Hickville. Though I wish for a misguided bus driver who takes the wrong turn and ends up anywhere but.