About:
27 year old girl. Edging towards real world. Stubborn. Falsely independent. Polish.
Want more?
Feels
Want more?
Feels
Restless Like The City
2005-03-17
It�s 3 am and I can�t seem to drift off into slumber. Maybe it�s my day of inactivity that has made me restless. Even in Brooklyn I seem to fall short of being active. This bed squeaks every time I move and I�m scared I�ll break anyone�s blissful sleep. I tried to keep myself busy, reading a book or listening to music to keep me laying here staring at what now has become a sickening color of blue on my walls. The butterflies made of stockings that I hung up when I was 16 move with the air flowing from the window. These walls were once adorned with pictures of my friends and travels, now half of them have fallen off, other hang idly staring back and mocking the lack of the very thing they represent. I no longer can sit at my desk and stare at myself at age 16 or 17, smiling wildly because it no longer resembles anything I am. Sometimes I can�t even recognize the girl in those pictures. I want to tear them down but that would expose more of the sickening blue walls. This room used to be my sanctuary, the one place my mother could not remodel. Now it�s obvious it�s been abandoned. She�s done the whole house and now is eyeing my space. I must agree, it needs a lift, a slab of new color, a few pieces of furniture and the discarding of those horrible butterflies. Yet I can't make my room feel more for me if I don�t live in it. Perhaps she�s right. Perhaps I�m better off coming back into this city and resuming my life under the very roof that gives comfort and anxiety. Sometimes I need to be selfish, forget Bigfoot, live your life.Constant sounds are coming from the streets. Even at 3 am this city never settles in.