The Beginning Of The End

2004-02-28

My roommate, who I always count on to entertain me when things are bleak, has gone out for the night. Bigfoot deserted me too. His friend from home took him out yet I�m glad he�s gone. I need some time alone to think things over. Lately I�ve started to feel as if he�s changing right before me and my distrust towards his has come back. It seems like all he wants now is sex and I give into it every time just to make him happy. I asked him last night as his hand was slowly creeping towards my bra, �Is this all you want?� He stopped immediately and looked at me intently while grazing my cheek like he does every time he tries to prove his point. �No, you know I love you and if you asked to wait I would wait forever.�

Forever was apparently later that night. He got what he wanted and after getting dressed I quickly ran down to my room in hopes of avoiding him. Today I kept to myself. We spent time together but I didn�t let him kiss me or hug me.

�I know I probably look like a hypocrite with what happened last night.� He said to me after my silence ate him away. �But you should know how much you mean to me. More than I could ever show.� I nodded without a word. We visited his sister later on, I put on a smile around their friends but as soon as we were back here I retreated back to my room. He came by before going out, asking for a hug. I backed away from his open arms and without a word he left the room.

I don�t want to give up on this so quickly. And even if I did, I can�t because he already bought the ticket to New York City. But as each day passes, I find myself wondering what am I doing here. It feels wrong all of the sudden. It shouldn�t be this way.

�It�s not a lie if you believe it. It�s no mistake if it�s always repeated.�