I Do Have The Right...What's That Stuff?

2004-01-26

It was 5 am and I couldn�t sleep. I felt his hands on my stomach stroking my skin. I calculated in my head how many hours of sleep I could get if only I could just slip away now. The number was narrowing down to 2. It was a horribly long day but somehow my body didn�t or simply couldn�t feel tired not when the mind was racing with wild thoughts.

I thought about the night I spent at Natalie�s. She was drifting into sleep and lazily asked me random questions. �What do you think is love?� I contemplated this for a minute, a simple question with an answer so hard to put into words. �When you feel extreme emotions all rolled up in a ball that sits in the back of your throat.� I told her.

�We all feel love differently.� She said. If that�s the case then there are different extremes of love yet in the end it is still that feeling of the same name. I wait for the day when I�ll have those extreme emotions though I feel it may never come. I may not feel my heart drop at the sight of my love, instead a calm will wash over me, making me feel safe and secure. It is how my heart loves.

�If he told you he loved you,� Natalie asked. �Would you say it back and mean it?�

Last night he told me those small 3 words. No one ever said them to me and I never imagined my lips uttering them back. But I did and in my own special way I meant it. Very much so.