In The Book With A Dog Lover

2003-08-22

I decided to divide my packing up to college into stages. Stage 1 involves turning my room upside down and deciding what should be packed. Needless to say it�s a bit messy here. It�s also turning into a slow process seeing how I have to look at every single item and voluntarily fall into my reminiscing of the good years. I came across an almost empty diary of mine from July 2001. I wrote in it for about a month before a sudden end. I think I was just annoyed with the look of it. The bad translations of English from Korean on each page irritated me to no end. I couldn�t understand why is there a girl being bitten by a dog, with a caption below her saying �All I wanna do is making love to you.� Talk about bad grammar. I know the Koreans and their cuisine isn�t known for tolerance towards dogs and cats but what that girl has in mind is just WRONG.

But beside that, inside it, I found an entry with excerpts from a letter received from a boy.

��Joanna, your popularity among guys was not surprising. Even though the guys at school feel similar as I do. I don�t know nor presume what they really feel. I do know that I feel/felt something more than a physical attraction or an obsession about you. But your modesty in words was mistaken by me for apathy towards me.

There has been one other girl that I had felt something with similar magnitude like the one that I started feeling about you. Our relationship was so great. That like in a love poem she was taken away. She was beautiful and greatly admired by other guys. We both found comfort in each other to discover a new feeling. It was tragic and I have not felt the same way. I saw in you a chance to rediscover but�

Every other relationship is not worth talking about. They were just a body of poetry and frivolous conversations even though they all had things in common. I did not feel complete. I am not smarter than you because I could not handle my feelings and I suppress them. I just hope you do better with your feelings. I understand Rony might feel that I have the upper hand in achieving a relationship with you (don�t know why). He may also think of this as a competition but I don�t because I think when the time comes you will make the right decision for yourself and it may not even be any of us two. I care about you all to play a game. I think that to achieve a good relationship you have to be true to yourself and others not by trying to win someone over with lies and trying to look good because in the end you will have to be yourself and nothing more��

Below that entry, I made my little feedback on all of this: �Wow, I really need to find out what frivolous and apathy mean.�

And if you�re wondering, I chose neither of the boys.