Underground World

2003-05-07

I think the New York City subway is the most fascinating place on earth. There�s another human culture breeding underground. You never know what you�re going to see. I take the subway twice a day, unlucky for me, during the times I do take it the train is mostly empty therefore I cannot experience the best that the freaks have to offer. Today though I ventured out to Upper East Side to see El Daddio at his job and while at it I encountered a lot of peculiar events.

Event # 1. The underground musicians are the best and I firmly believe they�re the ones who should have a musical contract. My favorite so far though is the 2 fingered man who plays the flute. I�ve seen him before (it�s a small underground world) with Christina. You would think that missing 3 fingers would impair your musical ability. This man is a genius! He even takes requests. He was kind enough to play me the Addams family theme song. I bopped my head along with him and once finished I gave him what was left of my lunch money ($2). He thanked me vigorously and flashed me that sexy smile of his only to show that along with missing 3 fingers, he�s missing half his teeth.

Event # 2. I often joke that Bellevue hospital (a mental institution) has an open door policy as in you come in freely and leave whenever you want. And when you do leave, most likely you�ll hide in the subway stations. Today I saw another of those renegades. He walked from one end of the train cart to another, bumping into polls and people. He stopped by the door that I was sitting by, then proceeded to talk to his reflection in the door.

�You,� he pointed at himself. �You! What are you looking at?�

The amazing thing is, no one paid attention to him. I tried hard not to stare but really, it was quite fascinating to see someone get in a fight with their own reflection. Just when it was about to turn physical, the train arrived into the next stopped and the guy got off. As did his trouble starting reflection.

Even # 3. Traveling during the afternoon rush is hell. Yet I managed to find a seat squished between what looked like a construction worker and the conductor�s booth. It was fine till the guy next to me started to fall asleep. I have bad experiences with sleeping people next to me and this was no different. The jerking train made it so the guy kept being pushed against me while I was being pushed against the booth. I tried hard to get some space from him, practically gluing myself to the booth. His head kept flinging itself into all directions, finally hitting my shoulder. I noticed his plan was to leave it there for some sort of a cushion, I angrily shook my body which got him off me yet it didn�t wake him up. One stop before mine, it happened again, this time his whole body squished me into the booth wall. I pushed him back again finally awaking the sleeping beauty.

�I�m sorry,� He said slightly dazed. I was too annoyed to even give him a reply. My stop came and I quickly got up.

�No, don�t leave.� He tells me. He was looking at me like I�m his own personal walking pillow. �Why are you leaving?� I rolled my eyes at him and without a word stepped off the train. There goes his fluffiness.

Even # 4. I wouldn�t say this is a freak sighting/event but I found it amusing. Few teenage girls, no older than 15 stepped on the train coming from school. One of them was pregnant. I usually ignore teenage girls because they�re loud and obnoxious, especially after a long day at school, as I was myself. These ones though, placed themselves next to me so I had no choice but to hear their conversation.

�What are you going to name your son?� On of them asks the pregnant one.

�Jason. People would call him J though,� She replies.

�What about the father?� Her friend asked. �Did he give any name suggestions?�

�The father?� She repeated as if hearing it for the first time. �Like hell I would let him name my son.�

�But he�s going to have his last name.�

�Fuck, I don�t even know his last name. It�s some corny shit. McGoo. McGee. My son ain�t having that shit for the rest of his life.�

�You don�t know his last name?� Her friend asked amazed.

�Why the fuck would I care?�

Here is my opinion, or advice. If you are going to have sex there are 2 things you always should ask. �Do you have condoms� and �What is your last name� assuming you just met him. I feel sorry for Jason though, with a last name McGoo, I�d be pretending I didn�t know it either.

Well, 3 hours later, 4 trains down I�m finally home. My trip as pointless as it was gave me a good satisfaction in knowing that I, as much as I would like to believe, am not as weird. There are some messed up people out there but you have to look at it on the bright side. They are what makes New York special.