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Feels
Empty Words
2003-05-03
It�s been over a month since the day I spent my evening on Jonathan�s roof. We watched the rain drops fall as we huddled in the attic doorway. He showed me the spot where he comes to think. It was a dark corner with old toys long forgotten by their owners. I sat on a small bicycle near him and we spoke for hours. Our 2-year friendship still does not give me a well-rounded idea of him. It�s a fa�ade that he puts up for the people as if trying to please all types. He�s tough for the girls that like a swearing drug dealing thug. For me he�s polite and harmless, knowing well that anything else will scare me off. I wish though he would be true with me but then again I�m never myself when around him. Yet as we spent that night talking in that dark corner, I opened up just a bit more. If he noticed the change, he didn�t let it show. If my perceptions are right, I doubt he cared.Yesterday, I felt his hands on mine after a month long absence. They were warm while mine cold and all I could think was how much I missed human touch. He apologized for disappearing (5th time this year). We made small talk though I knew instantly that he�d never tell me his reasons for dropping off the face of the earth.
�I missed you,� he told me. I smiled weakly at him. Why did it sound so programmed into him? He wanted to see me on Saturday. �Call me on Friday night and we�ll work something out,� was his offer. I told him yes and before long he had to leave. He cupped my face in his hands before departing. �Bye quiet one,� he whispered.
Friday night came and the phone remained where it is. His number was never dialed. If I kept my promises and if he ever kept his, by this time we�d probably have a full-fledged relationship. Yet we never mean what we say and these empty words will keep on being exchanged till June when he�ll probably disappear once again, this time for good.