No Reason To Worry

2003-04-30

I do not understand how suddenly everybody (or the 4 people I keep human contact with) is convinced that I am in need of psychological help. Yes, I have been avoiding any social interactions. I have been confined to my room for the most, if not all of spring break. Yes, I do take a lot of naps and my skin is ghostly white but is that any reason to believe I�m not well? Apparently the answer to this is yes. Sometimes I imagine getting a big hat and pulling it over myself while screaming, �leave me alone.� All of this stems from stress and I try to explain that yet suddenly I am seen as a depressed girl who is locked up in her room plotting her death.

What�s most amusing about all of this is that I�m treated with special care. My mother offered to pay for my hair cut the other day while Natalie took me out to lunch. Maybe I should give in to their ideas and pretend to be suicidal, I like being �special�. But sometimes stupidity comes along with it. Like today, Merrill a counselor from the school took me out to lunch. We spoke about my trip next month and as usual I told her my fear of planes and my theory on how I�ll die in them. She then proceeds to ask, �Do you want to die?� The stupid part of it, she asked as if saying, �Do you want a bagel?� The answer to both naturally would be �only in the morning�