Your Grandma Is On My Shoe

2003-03-11

"Oh my God it's my grandma!" I remember Christina exclaim. And she calls me weird.

Her grandmothers died within a month of each other and ever since then she has been believing that her grandmas have paired up with each other to wreck havoc upon their grandchild. One such act was pushing Christina's friend off the stairs. She told me she felt hands on her back pushing her down. Ever since then I've been holding on to the railing in her house. The caterpillar was the first of the many of Grandma's transformations. Having no real substance in my mind I actually started believing it was her Grandma reincarnated. "Grandma" began edging closer to us. We took a leaf and put it near her so maybe she could climb upon it. Maybe the plan was to bring her up to our eye level and have a staring contest. She avoided the leaf though and headed straight for my shoe. During that time I was in my Spice Girls phase, wearing the big platform sneakers. So it took quite a while for "Grandma" to reach the top of my shoe. All the while we're laughing that I'm finally being introduced to a respected family member (who has yet to become a butterfly). But then my girly instincts kick in. Here I am, in a park with a bug on my shoes who is edging ever so closely to my bare skin. Grandma or no Grandma, I began freaking out.

"Get her off of me!" I yelled at Christina, while flailing my leg about. Grandma really stuck to me though. The last resort was to poke her with a stick. Christina kept apologizing to her while trying to unglue her from her best friend's shoe. Finally the bug/Grandma was off me. Moving towards the bushes, in search of another pair of shoes perhaps. At the end of the whole ordeal Christina concluded that it couldn't have been her.

"She would have been on my shoe, not yours" She said.

Good point.